Is Gratitude Too Touchy-Feely?
I left a travel bloggers Facebook group the other day. In all honestly, I had wanted to do it for some time. I joined the group as I felt it might be a worthwhile place to exchange information with others and learn new things. But, every time I went in there it was filled with arguments and egotistical stroking.
The other day, I got really pissed and found myself involved in an argument right in the middle of Will and Kate’s wedding. I don’t like getting into arguments and I don’t like it when people say shit just in an effort to make themselves sound like they know everything.
After comments were made to the effect that gratitude goes overboard and can be too touchy-feely, I decided to press the “leave-this-group” button. Who wants to hang around people who hold this narrow and disempowering view on life?
These comments coming from a person who I have not yet seen display one iota of gratitude to anyone else online. He only comments in places where he can argue his point, the point that makes him sound like he knows everything and has been everywhere. If anyone counteracts, respect is never shown for their opinion, again words are spewed forth to raise his expertise and God like qualities up.
Never a “Thanks for that comment.” “I like what you are saying … but”
It all got a bit much for me and I ended up retorting in a rude fashion that if this was his attitude then I hope I never meet him on the street or at a party. This was because he seemed to think those who do show appreciation and gratitude to those who respond to others when they leave them a comment as fake and not really being like this in real life. Rubbish.
Bah… Mind you I have a bee in my bonnet about this person to begin with. When I first started travel blogging he piped his holier-than-thou head up to rudely and arrogantly tell me that my goals were unrealistic and that pretty much, I wouldn’t be able to achieve them. In promoting his own self-importance he assumed many things about me, namely that I didn’t have what it took, I knew nothing about blogging, and I wasn’t willing to work hard. Well I’ve achieved most of my goals in a year that he said took him 3 years to do therefore I couldn’t do it.
Is gratitude too touchy-feely? Does it go overboard?
What would you remember more and who would you like to follow and support more, someone who shows no thanks or appreciation to others or someone who takes time out of their day to thank you? It doesn’t have to be a gushing of emotions and washing of your feet.
Appreciation and gratitude can be shown in many ways. Responding to someone’s comment on your blog lets them know that you appreciate their input and the time they have taken to support and follow you. When someone pays you a compliment all you need to do is smile and say a simple thank you.
Photo: kateausburn
I get so excited and happy when someone reads my blog as it makes all my hard work seem worthwhile; I am so grateful for it. I know if they didn’t I wouldn’t be going anywhere. Every single reader is helping me achieve my dreams, just by reading. How can you not feel gratitude for them?
Is this going overboard and to touchy feely, or is this instead respecting someone and desiring to leave a positive impact upon the world?
I think gratitude is one of the most undervalued and underused emotions that we can ever feel or display. There is unlimited power in gratitude which is spoken of in countless ways by many successful and inspiring people of our times.
Would you listen to Oprah, Richard Branson, Anthony Robbins, Nelson Mandela, Jesus or would you listen to small, self-serving, arrogant people?
So what ended up happening with the man in this travel blogging group? I wrote to him and told him what I thought due to my own personal interactions with him. I Said I thought he was arrogant and full of shit. I don’t usually talk to people like that but I had just had enough of the way he spoke to and treated not just me but many others.
He of course wrote back to let me know how great he was and how small I was. He said I was now in his “elite group of bloggers” who he would never lift a finger to help.
Funny that. As he has never lifted a finger to help me before and I’ve done pretty damn well without his help.
But, I should have had more composure and should not have been insulting. I wrote back and apologized for it. I have no problem admitting when I am wrong and being accountable for it. I have not heard a thing back. No acknowledgment of my apology whatsoever and heaven forbid to think he would ever go that far to say he may have been wrong as well.
Is gratitude too touchy feely and does it go overboard? Or does it make you a bigger and better person? Does it help you to recognize and appreciate the good in others? Can it also help you to appreciate the bad things that happen in your life?
I am thankful for this man. And in many ways he has lifted a finger to help me over the past year. If it wasn’t for his comments way back when I started I may never have had the drive and motivation to show him that he never has the right to comment on someone’s dreams and say whether it is possible or not.
I am grateful for him as he now pushes me harder to be bigger and better and to show him that I can do really well without his finger of help.
The gratitude takes away the anger and replaces it instead with something more purposeful and powerful.
Yesterday, as I walked away from a fantastic morning at a private launch of a new Qantas campaign, my whole body filled up with total glee and I shouted
“Thank you Thank you Thank you.”
In my touchy feeliness I was thanking the powers that allowed this gift to walk into my life. That which has given me the opportunity to live my dreams. It’s the gratitude that shows me what my life could be like otherwise and I just want to kiss the skies for allowing me to be so happy and bringing the right people and resources into my life.
Everything and everyone that enters into our lives is a gift. The water that we drink, the air that we breathe, the conversations that we have. They all add value to our lives.
How can you not be thankful for this and display that gratitude? How can a kind word not raise our world up? Isn’t that what we all should be aiming to do? Isn’t it that which will make us feel so much better about ourselves and others?
I will continue to go overboard with gratitude. I will continue to be touchy feely as I know the joy it can give to me and to others. I know the power that lies behind gratitude.
When you are thankful for all the goodness in your life you will get more to be thankful for.
What are your thoughts on gratitude? Too touchy feely and overdone?
Comments
Shelly at Tropical Mum
I am so glad your post was in favour of gratitude. When I saw your title, I was a bit worried. I don’t want to live in a world where gratitude is not valued and expressed. I would rather too much gratitude than not enough.
Sorry to hear that such a pillock has affected you, but am glad that you were spurred on to achieve your goals and move towards your dream!
Caz
I don’t like that world either Shelly. I love showing gratitude and others how much of an impact they have left on my life. I know this makes them feel good and it allows me to acknowledge all that is great in my world. How can you not appreciate this? there are too many things in life that don’t bring you a lot of joy, embrace everything that does.
Susan Stephenson
I must admit, that guy’s kind of self-aggrandizement makes me want to waggle my little finger the way they do in the speeding ads! But I understand your thanks to him – some of my best lessons have been learned this way too.
Even in the cyberworld, relationships and communication are vital. I totally agree that gratitude, simply expressed, is key to positive relationships and effective communication. Such a sad world it would be if we didn’t reach out to others in this way!
Caz
Yes. I agree, my teacher finger comes waggling out as well.
A simple thank you can make a world of difference.
I have a list of people who are really pushing me to do better due to attitudes like this. I have to be so thankful for them as they are giving me so much power to move forward.
Brenda Sedore
Don’t you just despise people like that? Whew! I’ve had plenty of those kinds of people in my life. They are toxic and I refuse to have anything to do with them.
I believe in living life with gratitude. If you don’t, how will you see when wonderful opportunities come your way? The only time I don’t like gratitude is when it is insincere. But, the thing is, we aren’t responsible for others and what they say. We are only responsible for ourselves. If a person is toxic, I remove them from my life and go on being grateful for all the good things and people in my life. 🙂
Caz
Toxic is the word. It’s funny how this group is rife with arguments when you see that this is the attitude of the leader. Other groups I’m in don’t have the same problem because the leaders are encouraging, helpful and supportive. Makes a difference. I think removing yourself from these people is key. You are never going to change them, so you might as well surround yourself with positive uplifting energy instead.
Dorothy
When it’s genuine, I’m all for it. I express it when I feel it. Sometimes, I forget, but most times I remember.
Sometimes I get upset when others don’t appreciate my gratitude, don’t recognise how much they’ve done for me, somehow that belittles their actions and makes them seem meaningless. But that’s their stuff and my gratitude is mine.
Caz
I think you are right in saying the gratitude is yours. As long as you are doing what makes you feel good. It is a real battle to switch yourself off from what others are doing. I’m a Libran so I have this need to always try to fix and balance things so I get frustrated when people aren’t also working to help make the world a better place. I have to learn to let that go and focus just on what I am doing. Be the change as the great Ghandi said
kirri
You know that I share your love and belief in the power of gratitude and I too have recently come in contact with people who have not fully appreciated it. They may question whether I am being sincere or whether I am a bit “flaky”. I’m just doing what comes naturally and is real for me.
It’s nice to be appreciated, to build people up instead of tearing down and just to acknowledge without expecting anything back.
Seems to me that for some people, cynicism somehow makes you look “smarter” or even morally superior. I for one prefer not to be chained by someone else’s cynicism.
Caz
Cynicism can be so limiting and small. I can be cynical about some things and I really try not to as I know that it doesn’t empower me.
I just can’t get how anyone can feel that way about gratitude though. Absolutely baffling. In a way I feel sorry for these people as I think they are missing out on so much and perhaps don’t have a lot of happiness in their life to be grateful for.
I’m like you I’d much rather focus on making people feel good and I think gratitude is a really simple way of doing this and it also makes me feel happier.
Leah Travels
It’s ironic that I just saw your tweet of this post from your archives. As you can see from CommentLuv, my latest post is called “Gratitude.” I think it’s very important to tell people that you are grateful for what they do and who they are. But it’s even more important to SHOW your appreciation. That could be a thank you note, a response to their comment, or to reciprocate in a similar fashion. Good for you for not falling in with the pessimistic attitude.
Caz
I totally agree Leah and I love what you did with your post. It is rare that I don’t reply to a comment on both my blogs, and if I do its because it’s slipped through somehow. I just can’t ignore that fact that someone has taken the time to respond to something I have wrote, a simple reply is showing my acknowledgement and gratitude for that. It takes me a lot of time but it’s worth staying up an extra hour for.
Johanna
Sometimes its hard to believe that people can be so cruel. And gratitude is so empowering. I don’t think gratitude can be sychophantic. You did the right thing to leave the group because negativity and unkindness can easily turn into a downward spiral that ends up with us in the gutter wondering what it was exactly that we did wrong in the first place – probably nothing. There will always be toxic people, it’s spotting them before they do damage that’s the hard thing.
I think we should be careful not to make false assumption about people or their intentions, but sometimes it’s best to say your piece and move on with grace and calm. I’m more likely to be having a hissy fit, spitting feathers.
Gratitude rocks.
Caz
Gratitude is so amzing. It moves me to tears some times, a lot lately. I feel sorry for those who miss out on it and don’t understand its power. It gifts you so much.