What Concerns Me the Most
Our new little girl will be joining us in, let’s hope, four weeks time. I’m not that worried or concerned about late night feeds or surviving childbirth. I know what to expect this time and I’m sure I will come out the victor in the end, just like I did once before.
The thing that concerns m the most, actually downright terrifies me is this…
that
I will not be able to love my new daughter as much as Kalyra.
It is a reflection of my own limitations in being able to understand unconditional love. I understand it well when it comes to Kalyra.
A mother's love
But, how on earth can I possibly love two people just as much?
Is it possible? How can I find room in my love heart for two amazing little girls?
And what might this mean for Kalyra? Will she be okay with the fact that Mummy now loves someone else just as much as her? What if I can’t?
My mind just cannot fathom being able to love so deeply on multiple levels. It shows just how small and unaware we really are of our unlimited capacity for anything.
I remember when Kalyra was born, a lady who gave birth around the same time as me lovingly held her newborn son in her arms. She stroked his face, rocked him gently and smothered him with kisses, just like I was doing with Kalyra.
“This is my second child,” she told me. “You know, I just never thought I could ever love anyone like I did my first child. You just don’t believe you could. And then he was born and you realize just how much you can love. I love him just as much. It is like the first time all over again.”
She helps me to believe, that I too, will soon discover there are no limits on a mother’s love.
Have you had a second child or even more? How did you feel about this and when they were born?
Have you had a second child or even more? How did you feel about this and when they were born?
Comments
Jacquie
Hi Caz, I can totally relate to this. I remember being pregnant with my second child and suddenly getting really worried about this same thing. I loved my son so much I couldn’t imagine how I would love another baby and whether this would change how I felt about my oldest boy. When my second little boy was born though I couldn’t believe how much I loved him too – it’s like you don’t just get given one portion of love to share around between all your kids – you get more each time you have one. And it almost made me love my oldest one more (even though I dont’ think that was possible). One of my favourite moments is still seeing my 2 year old come in to see me after I had the baby and asking straight away – where is the baby? Give him to me to cuddle! And he sat there on the bed holding his little brother just kissing him and holding him. Then I had my third baby later on and I never worried about it as I knew how much we would all love him (which we do!) 🙂
Caz
It brings a whole new dimension to love and family. I have such good relationships with my siblings, it is so comforting to know that my two girls will be able to have the same. Kalyra was just practicing singing one of her stories to the bubs with the soft baby music playing in the background. It was so cute. It will be lovely to see her doing this when the baby is here. Thanks for sharing your experiences, makes me feel a lot bettter
rachel
I remember feeling this when i first got pregnant with my second child. i felt really sad for my oldest as though he was going to miss out on something because he wouldn’t have me all to himself anymore. i loved the time we spent together when it was just the two of us. by the time my number two came along i was over that feeling and now that i see them together and how close my boys are and how much fun they have together i can’t believe i thought he was going to miss out on something! sure we don’t get as much one on one time anymore but the bond they have plus the amazing bond and unexplainable love i have for both of them is the best feeling in the world! might even have another!
Caz
I often feel really sad for Kalyra as well, thinking she is going to miss out on having all the attention now, but as you say they gain so much more by having a sibling. I sometimes feel sad for my new daughter who won’t ever have that time together that Kalyra and I did. I loved the time we had together when she was a newborn, it was so special.
Jenna
Oh, I thought the same thing, too! And I kept thinking that I was having a second child more for my son to have a sibling than for me. Well, I am totally, completely in love with my second. He’s almost 6 months old now, and I can’t imagine my life without him. A friend summed it up so well: “Every time you have a child, your heart grows and your ability to love just gets bigger.” There’s no limit to a mother’s love!!
Caz
It’s wonderful that we are able to love so. I think I’m happy to see how much my heart can grow with just two children though!!! I’m getting more excited now to have my baby after reading all these comments and discovering it all over again.
Jenna
I feel so excited for you just reading these comments! It is such a special time. I agree– I will be happy with my heart growing for just 2 children, too!
I have felt mixed emotions while watching my older son adjust to the new baby. I feel sad for him that he has to share me and that I don’t have the time for him that I used to have. However, I am so happy for him that he will have a best friend in his brother for the rest of their lives. And I always compliment him on what a good brother he is and how he can teach his little brother how to do things, can show off his baby brother to his friends, etc. He gets really excited about his new “job” as a big brother!
Caz
At least when they outgrow us they’ll have each other. 🙂
Jeremy Branham
I probably felt like you did when my second one was born. While my first one had his moments, he probably has the best personality of any kid I have ever met (and I am not just saying that because he is mine). He is a joy to be around and every person who has ever met my son gravitate toward him and love being around him.
With that said, I thought it would be hard to love my second one just as much. However, you can. I can’t explain it. There is something special and unique about that first one. However, love is an action – not a feeling. So even if you feel like it’s a struggle emotionally to be able to feel the same, it won’t be as hard as you think. Plus you choose to love unconditionally. Do that and the rest will follow.
Just don’t make the mistake of some parents I have seen and treat your kids differently because you do favor one over the other. Each child is unique and in her own way, you will love this one as much as Kalyra.
Caz
Great advice Jeremy. IT’s great to know that we are capable of loving our little ones so much. Makes you feel good about life. I guess I am used to not playing favourites being a teacher, so It should be okay! You do have to accept that they will be different and special because of it.
Corinne
I remember thinking the same thing too. I remember feeling sad for my firstborn that she was now going to have to share me with her sister, she was only 20 months old, just a baby herself. While I was in labour the midwife told me she’d just left her two daughters at home holding hands besotted with each other. “You’re giving your daughter the greatest gift in the world,” she told me. And it was true.
My girls are best friends and I’m so happy to know that they will have each other for the rest of their lives.
As for having enough love? Well, I’m about to have a third and I know that another well of love will spring when he is born. There is always enough love for a child. It will surprised you, I guarantee it. x
Caz
It is very comforting to think of the amazing bond Kalyra and her sister will have. I’m looking forward to seeing the two of them together. A welll of love! What a beautiful way to describe it.
Veronica @ Mixed Gems
Ditto to all the above. I just found my heart accommodated two. Someone once said you don’t have to half your love, you end up with double! Also I wouldn’t trade the joy I have when I see my 2 yo daughter eagerly sing and dance to my giggling 4 month old daughter. They are already forming a bond that I hope will last a lifetime.
Caz
I love that- you end up with double love. That is a nice way to look at it and makes being a parent all that more amazing.
Colette
Hi Caz! I love your daughter’s name, by the way – but that’s not why I’m writing. I am mother to 8 beautiful children – four girls and four boys. Each one is as different as can be – yet you can definitely tell they are related! I can’t imagine my world without one or the other of them. I cannot imagine loving one of them less than the other (though I have to admit that at times I may like one less because of their attitude choice!). Every new birth is a miracle. Every new baby brings new joy and additional growth to my life.
Caz
Thanks Colette! 8 children!! That is amazing- you must have a lot of love to give. If you say It brings additional love and joy then I believe it!! Wow. how do you manage?
Andrea
Oh wow – only four weeks to go? Time flies!
Mothers with more than one child always tell me there is always enough love to go around. I am an only child and have no idea what it’s like to have another child around. But Kalyra will love her sister so much that surely she won’t mind sharing you, won’t she? =)
Caz
I hope she won’t mind sharing. She might be a little funny as she usually is when other children are around and give me cuddles!! But she is excited about being a big sister and is all ready to hold her hand when crossing the road and introduce her to her new home 🙂 so cute