I’m Over Being Pregnant
I have reverted back to my pre-walking days of so long ago.
I’m crawling ever so slowly forward. The minutes stretch into days of painful waiting.
I’m ready for closure. I’m ready to move forward into the next chapter.
A chapter that has to be brighter and sunnier.
I remember the early days when Kalyra was born. They will filled with so much sunshine. I delighted in every waking moment. Despite the lack of sleep, I had a lot of energy and a lot of love.
I’m counting on that again to boost me up.
When I’m ready to move forward, I’m ready. I don’t feel I need to wait or crawl. My attitude is always “Let’s go!”
But now I have to whisper the words, “Let it go.”
It’s so totally not up to me right now.
I feel like I have been pregnant forever and I am so tired. In a way I really have been pregnant for longer than most, for a year. Last year I was for three months, three long months of tiredness and nausea before we discovered there was no baby.
Then it took a couple of weeks to get over the D & C, and then it wasn’t long after that that I was pregnant again. No wonder this time I feel likke it has been eternity and I just want it over.
Brighter days ahead
I feel haggard and worn, and I look it.
This has been one of the most challenging years of my life. It has been filled with sickness, adjustments, and a lot of unnecessary personal stress that, when mixed in with pregnancy hormones, has brought with me a roller coaster ride from hell.
The sunshine has not burned as brightly as it usually does.
That is why I am longing for this new chapter.
Spending each day with my new baby girl and my big little girl.
Having my body back so I can exercise vigourously and detox.
Fixing my diet.
Getting these projects that are lingering to start until bubs arrive, to bloody well start.
Shutting out all the black noise and drying up the tears.
I need a fresh start.
The mid wife told me all these fake contractions lately are just bubs getting prepared. Perhaps another week.
I guess that is better than another five which, if she is late, is possible.
C’mon bubs. Let’s do this. I’ll smash down the pains of childbirth if it means we can just meet each other soon.
Comments
c
I feel your pain. I’m 25 weeks along with #2 (#3 pregnancy) and it’s been 6 months of HELLISH nausea/vomiting. I’m at a point where we’re starting to discuss potentially hospitalizing me if my anti-vomiting/nausea drugs can’t keep me stable enough.
I have also had a year…I broke my ankle on Jan 5th and was in a wheelchair for 8 weeks. Then I got pregnant. Then I started puking and at 25 weeks am still losing weight…ironically the one good thing is that all the puking has made my diabetes controllable without insulin starting around 3 months ago.
The one ONE one good thing in all of this is that no matter how crappily my body is handling the pregnancy, my younger daughter is thriving in utero.
I need this pregnancy to finish.
Caz
Oh gosh! You are having a rough time of it. I have had the nausea come back for the final trimester. It’s horrible, but nowhere near as bad as you. AT least it is helping with your diabetes. We both deserve a trip to the health farm!! I hope it settles down for you. Just focus on that baby as much as you can.
Linda
Hi Caz
Congrats. I only just realised you were preggers on reading yTravel. I too am in the same boat, although I’ve another 10 weeks to go. Definitely don’t get the lovely glowing effects that others do! Damn them. Morning sickness, hip instability, sciatica… can not wait till it’s all over and we meet the new wee one.
I must say I totally admire the amount of work you seem to be able to do still. I wasn’t sure if starting my new blog a few months before bubs arrived was a good idea, but figured what the hell, it would be next year if I waited any longer. Now that I see you have number two on the way (might already be here!) it’s given me a wee boost. Thanks for the inspiration!
And all the very best for the birth… sending non-rip vibes your way 🙂
Caz
Thanks Linda! I love the sending non-rip vibes your way!! I’ll gladly take those. I think there is always a reason why you can delay doing something. The perfect time will never arrive so you just have to do and then do the best you can when you do. You can easily find ways to work around things. Good for you for getting started.
I hope the next ten weeks goes by faster for you then it has for me!!