It wasn’t how Kalyra’s birthday was meant to go.

It was the first time I was home with her for her birthday since she was born, and I wanted my day with my girl to be special.

We had planned a day at Taronga Zoo followed by Malaysian dinner, but Craig got called away on the Great Crusade a little earlier than we thought, so we had to change our plans and do that special day last weekend.

Today, we spent the morning at the airport saying goodbye to Craig. We got up early and gave Kalyra he brand new pink monkey bike with streamers, a bag on the front and a bell, just how she wanted it.

And then we hurried down to the airport where she blew Daddy kisses as he walked through the gates shouting “I’ll miss you Daddy.”

Her Birthday goes Downhill

Kalyra was sporting a lovely bruise and egg on her head from where she had fallen the night before and bumped her head on the wall.

Should have known then that her birthday was heading downhill.

We were driving home on the Pacific Highway when the smell of what I thought was diesel fuel began to fill my nose. I kept looking at the vehicles around me to see the culprit, not really paying attention to what was going on in my car.

At around Pymble, I glanced down to my dashboard to see an orange light with a picture and the word CHECK on it. I thought it was the oil light, but later realized it was in fact the temperature light. I quickly text Craig who was sitting on the plane ready for departure.

“The orange oil light is on, saying ‘check.’ Do you know what I do?”

The first sign that me as a single mother is probably not going to work too well.

He phoned and alerted my attention to the temperature gauge which was up beyond high.

“Um yeah, you better pull over somewhere, get to a servo if you can and have someone help you check the oil and water.”

That was when I noticed the steam shrouding my car, and the burnt smell, which was not diesel, but my dry as a bone engine.

Crap.

Lucky a servo at Turramurra quickly approached.

A lovely service attendant hurried over to help me.

“I’m no mechanic, but it looks like we need to get some water in your engine.”

Except we couldn’t find the radiator cap. I tried Craig one more time who quickly told me the air hostess was telling him to get off the phone.

Looks like I had to find the cap myself. We found instead the coolant box which was empty. We filled it up with coolant which disappeared forming a green river running underneath my car.

The radiator hose was busted

NRMA to the rescue

My sister only told me later that I should have mentioned that I had a two week old with me as they would have come out straight away. Instead Kalyra, Savannah and I waited for an hour in the car.

And that was when I began to feel so sad about my daughters birthday.

She had a bump on her head, her daddy just left her, we were stuck in a broken car that could  possibly be towed, my family were going to have a party with her in the park which was now cancelled, and I could not find her an Ariel birthday cake like she really wanted.

I had decided that this year I couldn’t handle organzing a party for her, as we just had Savannah, Craig was leaving, and there was far too much going on for my exhausted brain to plan and prepare anything.

Now I felt like a failure as a mother.

I thought for sure that she was going to crack it in that car as we waited. But she was sweet and loving and very patient.

While I was feeling sorry for myself, Kalyra decided it was time to sing and brighten up the atmosphere in our cramped little party space.

“In Upsy Down town, the sky is in the sea, the monkey’s in the nest where the birds should be.”

Before I knew it I was singing with her and we were making up silly verses.

“The moth is up your nose where the boogers should go.”

Down in Upsy Down Town

We were laughing and cracking up and I realized that despite our situation we could have a fun birthday together after all.

My sister was in the area at a work meeting and turned up just as the NRMA guy did. She sat with us while we waited in case  the car had to be towed so she could drive us home.

He managed to patch up the hose enough for me to get home. To the mechanics I go on Monday.

I arrived home at my parents place at the exact time that Craig would have been landing in Auckland.

Kalyra’s cousins were there and she had a ball playing with them and opening up more presents. My younger sister, visiting from Perth, and my Mum had bought and set up a party for her to help me.

She was spoiled. I felt much better about her birthday.

My Birthday Promise

That evening after I put her to bed I heard a shuffling in the hallway. My baby girl was standing there looking sad and forlorn. I’m sure she was missing her Daddy

I picked her up and held her on my shoulder just as I do Savannah now and as I did with her as a baby.

I patted and rubbed her back remembering that four years ago, I began my journey with her doing that very same thing.

I allowed her to fall asleep like that the whole time lamenting at how fast they grow up.

I promised her, just like I did four years ago, when her wide eyed newborn baby eyes told me she had no idea who I was, but trusted that I would look after her.

I promised that for her fourth year of life, I would do better than I did last. I would learn from my mistakes and I would become a better Mummy for her.