Improving Relationships: Making My Marriage Better
I asked Craig to think about ways in which we could improve our relationship.
It’s not that our relationship is horrible, but I think everything in life has room for improvement. I wasn’t completely happy with how our relationship was and I really missed those days when we first got together.
Days filled with romance, laughter and infatuation.
I know this is the wooing stage and marriage is anything but roses, but that doesn’t mean love and romance has to die.
When we first got together, I felt I was the luckiest girl in the world.
No truly, I did.
Craig ticked off almost all the boxes and I could never work out why he wanted to be with me, and not only that, but treat me like I was the best thing that had happened to him. And then after we married, we took off around the world for an unbelievable five year honeymoon.
Lately, a lot of what we had that made us so great became buried.
Buried under pain, challenges, stress, parenting, and the immersion of us into our blogging world, working our tails off to see our dream become a reality.
We had no time for each other, no time to appreciate and love like we used to.
“We don’t laugh much anymore,” Craig off-handedly mentioned to me a few weeks back after we had a good silly giggle together.
I paused. He was right. We don’t and we used to so much.
It made me sad to think we had allowed laughter to silently leave our lives.
And so when he was in New Zealand I had time to think about us and how I wanted it to be. I wanted to improve our relationship, bring back the laughter and the feelings of “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
Lina wrote recently of the good things that come with separation. Usually I think of the bad, as do most.
But she opened my mind to consider what good may have come from Craig and I being apart. It made me realize what I did not like and what I wanted to bring back.
Since he has been back, good things have happened.
We are laughing a lot more. I take the time now to think more of how I can make him smile and I enjoy taking a moment for warm, delicious cuddles. He is once again the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me.
When he returned from New Zealand I asked him if he thought about us and how we can make our relationship better.
“Oh that…. I didn’t pay much attention to that,” he said with a manly roll of his “here she goes again” eyes.
Not “THE TALK” again.
“It’s simple. All we need to do is have more sex.”
And therein lies the difference between men and women. The yin and the yang. The depth verse the simplicity
Maybe when you stop and think about, there just might be some logic and truth to it. Like the 100 day sex challenge, the new couple’s therapy that seems to work tremendously and is all the rage!
Maybe us women just like to complicate things way too much.
Time to get back to basics huh?
Sure is fun trying!
How do you work on improving your relationships? Can more Sex help?
Comments
kirri
I’ll be the first to admit I like to complicate things way too much! I have spent hours wondering what my husband is thinking when he sits in front of TV or is more quiet than usual…Is something wrong? Is he thinking of “us” and needs to talk to me about something really important?
It’s taken a long time and a lot of curious conversations to actually believe that nothing much is going on in his head other than what he says he is thinking of (sport, food, sleep, sex…sport!).
Its so important to make time for each other and to re-discover each other through new eyes…I think its all too easy to take one another for granted and just get caught up in external distractions and I commend you for making your love life a priority. Keep having fun together!
Caz
Men are from Mars- such simple folk!! 🙂
Penny
My husband is away for the week with work and I am enjoying our time apart, especially seeing we were quite disconnected beforehand. I am enjoying the peace (as much peace as you can have with a 1YO and 4YO). I am enjoying knowing the lay of the land, as I KNOW I have to do everything myself while he is away….I’m okay with it. Yet, when I am doing so much when he is home, I get cranky! Go figure. And I am missing him…..sometimes some distance is good.
Caz
I hear what you are saying. I had the house running very efficiently when Craig was gone, but since he has been back, it has been a mess and I can’t get it together. Should send him away again 🙂
Carla
My husband is a pilot so gone for a few days and back for a few days. It’s great, I get sick of him and send him away and then miss him and he comes home. The challenge is him accepting the way things are when he is away and wanting it all his way when he is home. Leads to one or two colorful conversations. I think I appreciate him more because he goes away. And I would be lost without a night or too to myself each week. As for sex, I barley have enough energy for it when he is home. At least we are in agreement is can be a little over rated.
Caz
Ha HA! Great that you agree on it. It is hard to get the energy up for it. It sounds like you guys have a good thing going on!
Brooke vs. the World
Good read, and as I’m about to head off next Tuesday for a month away from Pat, it was nice to get the reminder that being away can be good… not bad like I quickly come to as a conclusion. 🙂 I need a refresher, a break from this house, and Pat needs more time to catch up with his friends. It’s a win-win, and we will hopefully appreciate each other more upon my return!
Caz
Have a wonderful time Brooke. Didn’t realize you were leaving so soon. It will be like those first few weeks of being together when you return. Give you heaps more to talk about as well!
Brie
Sometimes I wish I could have some nights by myself, my husband and I haven’t spent a night apart in over 4 years and there seems to be nothing coming up soon that will allow this, I have the most amazing husband who looks after me, cooks, cleans but sometimes it’s just too much and he can be too clean and put away stuff I have only just got out!! I know the laughter has gone from our lives an we used to be so silly 🙁
Caz
Those breaks are definitely healthy for the relationship. Think about what used to make you laugh together and see how you can bring some of that back.Laughter is so important.
Lisa Wood
Hi Caz,
I was laughing at this one…I was wondering did your hubby and my hubby get together over a few beers? Because all of my mans answer to our married life is more sex….when at the end of a full on busy day with homeschooling, cleaning, washing clothes, cooking dinner, and trying to fit in blogging..sex is the last thing on my mind!!!
I am not sure what would help make our marriage better – I guess each day is a new day, and there is always something that can make it better. Time is good – if we have a weekend of fun family filled time, then I feel more relaxed and can enjoy our relationship more. After five boys and 16 years of marriage, the one that works for us, to having time out of life – time away from each other (Be it a coffee with friends or a few days break) plus talking. Communication is a huge thing to have that has helped us to keep going with our marriage.
Not sure if there is any “Secret recipe” to a successful marriage, but laughter works for anything anytime…..so keep on laughing!
Cheers
Lisa
Caz
I think laughter is the key with anything.
After five kids, I think I would be far too tired to even contemplate it either. I’d say to hell with the marriage!!
Men are just such simple folk.
Maybe if we didn’t have to do so much as women we may just have the energy to want it just as much!!
Jace
Hi Caz
I read thru these posts and their seems to be a repeating pattern of the woman being oh so tired and not up for sex because it is such an effort to perform….the ladies who have posted and i have heard it many times before, from my wife also…make sex sound like running a 10 km marathon or something so physically hard to do that you have to be fully rested, full of energy to be able to perform….when in truth the woman generally doesn’t do all that much physically with a caring, willing to please partner….most men are easily turned on and done within 10 minutes, but the ladies want to be turned on, massage, lots of foreplay, stimulation in all the right areas and then sex….all this pre sex effort is done by the man and the only effort the ladies put in is maybe some oral for their man and with different sexual positions, and for maybe ten minutes…jeez that would have to be the hardest ten mintues of their life the way some woman carry on.
Yes men are easily pleased and most don’t have all these complicated feelings and thoughts going on all the time…we like to relax…sex helps us relax….when we don’t get sex we get frustrated and sometimes worse…angry and hateful that the one person in our lives our wife couldn’t be bothered to have sex with us because oh shes so tired….we are all tired….we all work hard, whether its looking after kids and home chores or at work and home chores….get over it ladies…look after your men and they will look after you….couldn’t be bothered and you will find the men in your lives just might not be bothered to do anything nice for you…of course their will be times when sex is not going to happen because of a number of different reasons….but don’t stick with this too tired excuse….you just may enjoy a massage and some attention from your partner even when its not a top priority and you are tired….sex should be a release of stress and relaxing for both involved.
If the ladies are not up for sex then atleast be truthful about why not…..most men need sex to be happy in their relationship….if the men are not giving you what you need sexually then tell them how…most men are happy to do what ever it takes to keep their wife happy…but it is a two way street….and if one is not happy then it becomes a problem and leads to other issues like not laughing together anymore.
Caz Makepeace
Thank you so much Jace for sharing with us the male insight! It is really good to hear and you are right in so many ways.
I think women need other things in the relationship to be happy as well, probably things men don’t need or understand. But, it is up to us to communicate that to our partners. Men have to do the same in return. I think sometimes women see sex as just another thing to worry about and manage, which is not a good thing as you say.
Jade
I was doing work and came across this post by accident. I’m similar, I’m always asking Glenn if there is anything I/we can do to bring more ‘sparkle’ back into the relationship. He’s always telling me “I just don’t think about things the way you do – everything is fine.”
Then I read Craigs response 😛 Thanks for the giggle. Although in our relationship, it’s me that usually wants more.