Why did we really go to Thailand?
I’m trying to figure out why we really went to Thailand.
My soul craves to return to my spiritual home a lot. Major changes in my life have always occurred during or after a visit to Thailand.
On my first trip in 99, I was a completely different person to who I am now. I was a mess. If you can talk about finding yourself, then Thailand was the place I found myself.
Truly.
I landed on Railey’s Bay and had an experience with a group of strangers that lasted for 5 days. The biggest 5 days of my life. They made me stop hating myself and I started to blossom.
I’ll never forget one evening when I felt the Universe shift as it spoke so clearly to me.
I turned to my friend. “I know what I want to do with my life. I want to write.”
It was such a strong urge. I started writing straight away, a book that still sits unfinished. Fear and insecurity set in and I stopped. (Double butt kick coming up!!) 13 years later after a lot of hard lessons, I’m writing
Thailand saved my life.
I pay attention when my soul calls to return.
Going back this past month happened so easily I knew it was meant to be. Except, everything seemed to go wrong. No, it didn’t go wrong, I just didn’t enjoy it as much as I was hoping.
That doesn’t mean I wasn’t meant to be there, just maybe for reasons I was not expecting.
My love for Thailand certainly hasn’t changed; it is as solid as matter. But it was different and unexpected. I am left to uncover why I felt so disconnected and why we really went.
This is what I have come up with so far, the rest I know the Universe will show me when the time is right.
My travel style has changed
I am no longer the backpacker I thought I was, nor do I want to be, not with children anyway. It is far too stressful with Savannah being a toddler.
She requires far too much attention and in Thailand it enhances your anxiety and fear. Craig and I were planning on doing a long term trip through South East Asia. No more.
At least not until the toddler legs have settled, we are off the bottle, out of the nappies, and do not have to rely on naps and prams. We are now focused on road trips in either Australia, US or Europe.
Is stability what I want?
This trip really showed me how tired of travel I am. Actually not of the travel, but the instability of it.
I still want the travel, I can’t ever give that up, it’s like willingly handing over an arm, but I do want a little more stability. I want to find my home and I want the means to be able to leave that for the next adventure when I want.
How to make millions anyone?
I don’t want to live in Phuket Thailand
Craig and I were considering a relocation to Phuket, but not any more. It is far too westernized, busy and expensive. I don’t want to move to Thailand for western life, I want it for Thai style. I’d love to move to Bangkok, but I don’t think it is a wise move with kids.
So it has either squashed my desire to live in Thailand, or it I still have to find the right place.
I’m dissatisfied, frustrated and not fulfilling my potential
Frustration surrounded me on our trip to Thailand and has since returning. I’ve realized I am quite dissatisfied with my life in many areas. I’m stuck mostly because of fear. I’m not doing what I need to do, mostly surrounding my fear of a lack of money.
This is such a difficult limiting belief for me to smash through. I never worried about money a few years back and it flowed freely to me. And then I lost my sanity, made stupid decisions and blew my safe, investments. It has paralyzed me.
I’m frustrated that my living conditions aren’t what I want and I am overly frustrated that the time I want to work on my business keeps getting taken away. I feel a lot of the time it is out of my hands, but I need to quit this excuse and work it out. The travel side to what we do implicates this a lot!! But, it’s part of what we do.
Lately, I’ve been really keen on healthy food and living. I’d love to explore this part of my life more, but time and resources are not helping me. I really believe I should be doing more and I am frustrated with the blockages. Thailand really spoke clearly to me about this and I am trying to clear those chakras and make some changes so I can do what I was born to do.
Apart from these lessons Thailand is trying to help me learn, I did have a fantastic time with my family. I adore spending time with the girls. They are so sweet and beautiful and rock my world. One thing I know for sure, I still want to travel with them and show them more of the world.
Listen to my latest podcast to hear tips on what to do when things go wrong?
Do you have a special place that tends to teach you important lessons and steers your directions?
Comments
Nicola
This post really resonates with me today. The urge to travel, the need for stability and desire for a beautiful home, and the limitations created by lack of funds and the immense amount of time spent raising young children. I don’t have any answers but just know you’re not the only one who feels like this!
Caz Makepeace
So wonderful to know I am not alone!! If only there was some magic solution. Sometimes it feels way too hard
A King's Life
Bare it and feel it all, girl!
Good for you for recognizing that life changes, your desires change and travel changes with children. We love traveling with our children…and do so frequently. Both backpacker type of trips as well as resort vacations.
We know we aren’t the ‘fast paced on the move family’ that some families seem to do with ease. It’s not what we want. We have a 4 & 2 yr old and love spending days sitting at home (which is currently Ubud, Bali) and doing normal, everyday, nothing and everything special stuff. Once per month we take off for 4-5 days and explore. It’s a great balance of work, life, children and date nights. We love it. And we don’t care if other travelers don’t think that what we do is “travel”.
Done with labels. I don’t care.
But 2013 is about overcoming our fears, which is something you touched on. I feel the shift of energies changing. I know what I was meant to do, the style I was meant to do it in and the reasons why. Big question: Why don’t I do it then? Fear.
Of rejection. Of being bold. Of stepping on toes. Of being great. Not good. Great! And then, not being Great.
Writing that…it sounds silly. But it’s real. And irrational.
I make great money, I’m an awesome marketer, I rock at internet stuff…why should I humble myself and let the young, single boys of the internet marketing world keep touting their crap
(who, most by the way, don’t make much but somehow want to teach you how to make a fortune).
Well…enough said.
Good reflection for you!
Caz Makepeace
I think the slow travel like you are doing is the best for sure. It’s much easier for you to find the balance and deal with the challenges. You gotta through some rest time in there.
Great to hear that you have figured out the marketing stuff and are rocking at that. Love how you are creating your own life.
Amanda
This post resonated with me.
I returned to Thailand a few years back having not visited for almost 20 years.
20 years during which I had been busy parenting, getting on with life, growing up and taking on responsibilities.
I felt such a strong feeling of returning home, of connection, of realising what I had been missing in my core.
A massive emotional outburst and subsequent meltdown followed.
At the end of it all, I was OK, relieved of a burden and was able to put down what I had been carrying emotionally.
My spirit gradually felt restored.
The challenge since then has been finding a work/life balance, recognising my spirit and its craving.
Remembering to somehow incorporate the traveller me into the everyday me, allowing me to nurture spirit. It is an elusive challenge.
Caz Makepeace
I love this Amanda!! Thank you so much for sharing It’s amazing the effect Thailand seems to have on a lot of people. I think it really helps you to get into your core and what you really need to be doing. There’s no other place that takes me that deeply.
@workingwomenaus
It sounds like you learnt a lot this trip, but also you need to find clarity for new challenges that have presented themselves. I really believe if you work on things systematically, you can make quite substantial changes. It won’t happen quickly (or even easily in many cases) but will be worth it in the long run. Make a list, refine then rewrite it. Work towards those long-term goals and you WILL get there. You’re a brilliant, motivated woman Caz. You can achieve anything x
Caz Makepeace
Great advice Kim! I’ve been doing a lot of list making lately. I think I am slowly getting there, things are getting a little clearer. Thank you so much for your encouragement and support
My Brown Paper Packages
The lure of Thailand is not lost on me. I recently lived there for a year, with a child, and it was fabulous. I can highly recommend Chiang Mai in the north – it is far more authentic than the tourist laden westernised beachside, the food is amazing, the people are friendly and it has just the right balance of city and country for me.
I have a passion for writing too, more as a way to purge my mind of all the ramblings in there I suppose and I am now trying to find the time to do this by starting my own blog. I am a bit slow on the uptake though as I am learning how to juggle 2 kids now.
Caz Makepeace
We really loved Chaing Mai. I’d love to stay there for a little while. I’d miss the beach too much I think. I felt a little isolated when I was up there. But it is definitely cheaper and a great place for digital nomads to stay.
Everything becomes so much harder when you have kids. We struggle daily, but you’ll get in your groove soon and will know what works
Laura
Hi Caz
Thanks for sharing. This post sounds like it was a hard one to write and lots of hard things to admit. Just want to say that you are such an inspiration and that we all struggle with money issues which holds us back form what we truly want to do. But just think, most people work their whole lives to do what you are doing today!
I promise; If I ever get rich, I will invest in mojito mother – there is so much good for you and your family to spread worldwide!!
x
Caz Makepeace
Thank you so much Laura! You are so sweet. Your comment has really helped me to keep on moving foward