I think I am good now to share just what the hell has been going on with me over the past few months.

Well to be honest, I think it started 18 months ago, when Savannah was born. I found it to be quite traumatic, more so than when Kalyra was born. Craig reckons it was the other way round, but who cares what he thinks, he wasn’t the one pushing out a wriggling watermelon.

I don’t want to go into graphics, but let’s just say I had some digestive issues spring up not long after. I ended up in hospital having to have an operation on an abscess. The hospital botched it up and sent me home. I was back that evening for round 2. It was Christmas Eve. I was discharged early Christmas morning and I spent my baby’s first Christmas passed out on my mother’s couch, severely doped up, in pain, and recovering from the op.

Finding the cause to solve

I had daily nurse care for the next couple of months until they discovered that the issue was a fistula , not an abscess and it was not fixed. Back to the hospital we go for surgery 3.

“What caused this?” I asked every doctor and nurse that crossed my path.

“We don’t know. Just bad luck.”

“Could it be childbirth?”

All male doctors said no, all female nurses said, “That is probably your problem.”

Surgery no 4 came up not long after to finish it off.

I could write a whole other post on how badly the hospital bungled everything up and treated me. I wrote about some of it here and on this last surgery they hurried me out as soon as I woke up almost. I arrived home and collapsed on the floor so out of it and weak I was from the drugs. Craig carried me upstairs where I proceeded to throw up everywhere I think I was home only 3 hours after the op.

Was that the end of it?

Hell no!

It certainly wasn’t healed and I was not going in for another round of surgery so I was determined to fix it myself. I started to learn more about eating, I embraced Tracy Anderson and the Great Australian Diet. I started to lose weight and feel really clean and healthy on the inside.

In the meantime I was meeting with the surgeon for check ups.

“Why did this happen?

“Look, it can happen to anyone. There’s no real cause, just bad luck.”

Bad luck just does not sit with me especially when it comes to our body. Everything has a cause and things don’t get resolved unless we resolve the cause.

“Do you think it could be my travel. I had 6 flights in the week leading up to when I first went to hospital?”

“Oh no no. Nothing to do with that. Just bad luck.”

“Do you think it could be  a gluten issue? I know my sister is gluten intolerant and mum has issues, maybe there is a connection.”

His eyes gave me that condescending scoff.

“Oh no it has nothing to do with that.”

Reacting to food and my great fear

Christmas came around. A year after my first operation. I started reacting badly to food. Severe bloating, extreme tiredness, awful cramps, and mucus within me so thick I could feel my food moving from mouth down to stomach. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what food it was, but I knew gluten was an issue. I decided to cut it out of my diet.

I was freaked out.

I visited Tiffany, my energy healer. She did some energy clearing on me and gave me a few natural remedies and some advice:

“Stay off wheat.”

We went to Thailand. I’d lost a fair amount of weight, I was feeling really sick, I was reacting to all sorts of food. I was nauseous, had diarrhoea, stomach cramps, pelvis cramps, lower back pain, bleeding, and would wake up in the middle of the night racked with fear.

I had of course checked Dr Google and knew I was screwed. I had all the symptoms of bowel cancer and that was all my mind could think of. I’d break down in sobs, I’d wake up in sweats, I couldn’t look at the girls without crying. Craig was beside himself with what to do. I am sure he thought I was nuts, but he continued to reassure me that I was not dying, it was just a gluten issue and we’ll get it sorted out.

So I went back to my GP.

He filled me with drugs and potions to stop my stomach cramps. He wanted to rule out stomach acid before we looked further. I wanted to scream it is not stomach acid its something much worse. I probed him for answers as to whether it was cancer. He fluffed that off saying I was too young and to not worry about that. He ordered tests instead for everything else: stools, urine, abdomen X-Ray, pelvic ultrasound, and blood tests.

Things got worse. Now I was reacting really badly to peanuts, dairy, soy, chilli, everything I put into my mouth. I was getting mouth ulcers, these hideous white sores on my tongue, a thickening of the tongue, mucus build up, and awful cramps in my stomach and pelvis. I was fatigued, moody, could not focus on much, and was prone to emotional outbursts.

Cleaning it out

I went back to see the doctor. “You’re full of shit,” he said.

He was looking at my abdomen X-Ray and showed me how the haziness meant I was constipated.

“What? I go every day.”

“It happens all the time. People can go several times a day and still be constipated. It’s a build up of stuff you don’t know is building up.” He went on to explain it all using the analogy of toothpaste and gave me some drugs to push it out.

“We’ve found your problem. ”

“So how can I make sure this does not happen again?”

“That’s the question isn’t it.” He then went on to talk about drinking lots of water and taking physillium husk and really not much else that was helpful. I was still unaware of what the cause really was.

I was not convinced. There was no way my body was reacting in this way because of constipation. I kept bringing up cancer, he kept looking at me like I was a hypochondriac nut case.

I took the clearing pills he gave me, my side-effects didn’t disappear. The doctor said there was not much else he could do and so referred me to the specialist. He said it was possible I had coeliac and so would need to be tested.

I couldn’t get in for 10 weeks. My condition got worse and Google told me about coeliac and crohns and cancer.

I begged the doctor to try and get me in earlier. Has not yet happened. I go in three weeks.

I needed to take control and do something.

Healing from within

I went back to Tiffany. I was distraught. She chatted to me for some time about my cancer fears. She made me believe that no matter what lay ahead for me I had the strength and the know how to deal with it and that whatever it was, it was the path intended for me.

She did some energy healing work on me and it was the most intense session. There was this giant pulling on my energy. It was as if she were taking all my fears and stretching it out of my body.

She told me to take probiotics: “Your stomach has been through so much, you need to replace all the good bacteria that has been stripped away.”

After my surgeries, I was put on the strongest courses of antibiotics–the ones the no drinking rule was made for. Because of them I spend days on the couch throwing up and feeling so ill.

“Why didn’t any of the doctors tell me about probiotics?”

“I don’t know. Some do some don’t. A lot don’t want to know about alternative ways.”

I got on the probiotics.

She told me that I was not to have caffeine, gluten, corn, peanuts, or soy and to eat limited dairy and sugar. She gave me some anti-cancer tea, and some other powders and bush medicine to take. I did it all.

She told me a colonic would be a good idea.

So I went. Three sessions. Three years ago I would never have done this because I had dignity. Now I don’t care how sees what or how shoves what where, it’s been done time and time again.

I Googled and found Boda. I loved the energy coming form the website and their philosophy. I booked in for three treatments. Aaron was lovely and made me feel comfortable about the procedure. Turns out he’s a traveller, a ex-teacher and  into health and well-being. We connected and he opened up a doorway for me to learn more about Ayurvedic principles and being vata and the choices I could make in regard to the right food for me.

The colonics made me feel much better. Who knows how long the shit had been stuck in there for, it’s horrendous to think of how much our body can hold within us. Very similar to the shit we hold onto from our past: the memories and the scars.

Tiffany had said to me that I had to let go of the mistakes I had made in the past. It was time for me to forgive myself and move on. I don’t believe in co-incidences like this and I knew I had to do this if I was to get well. Strangely enough Craig published the post I want to know your secret, at about the same time. It helped me to face what had happened and to let it go.

Food becomes the enemy

I started to feel a little better and I was confident that I could get on top of this. I’d gotten off gluten and noticed a slight difference. Some of my symptoms had disappeared, but then I would eat something and I’d react again. Gluten is hidden in so many foods and I would know it as soon as I ate it. My reactions began to get worse every time. The pain and fatigue and general wellness would get so bad, I would just have to lie down and not do anything.

I’d wake up nauseous with this horrible feeling running around my body like I had drunk 10 shots of espresso and was full of anxiety.

I didn’t know what else to do. My life was falling apart, I could barely function, I was sick all the time, and my body kept reacting to everything. I was confused and scared, angry and so exhausted.

I began to put more boundaries in my life. Bed after 11pm was no longer an option for me. There was still the odd occasion where this didn’t work out but I was making a sleep stance.

I also began saying no a lot more. Yes was always me preferred answer and I only operate on one gear–fifth. From March to May Craig and I were travelling almost every week. It certainly did not help. I am not going to jeopardize my health and well-being anymore for those who want me to promote their brand or destination for no payment of my time.

I was so down on myself every time I slipped up and had a cup of coffee or a glass of wine, or more.

I was consumed with thoughts of dying which I touched on in part on this post. I knew this was a wake up call for me to do more and to stop being afraid. My health challenge was a powerful motivator for me to finally stand up and believe in our dream and what we had been working to achieve. I decided I was no longer waiting and I had everything within me to make our road trip around Oz happen.

Despite the good eating plans, the extra sleep, the inner work, the colonics, and the energy healing,  I was still reacting badly almost any food that entered my mouth. And then I started to get really bad circulation problems. I would toss and turn all night and wake feeling like the veins in my leg had tripled in size. I was cramped up and my hands and feet were tingly. The awful frantic energy continued to race around my body.

I was distraught.

I couldn’t sit around for another 8 weeks and wait for the specialist to hand me the verdict so I could create a game plan.  I had to create my own.

Finding another way

I took out Tiffany’s list of things to do and decided I would try this thing called Naet. I had no idea what it was, and it sounded a little too woo woo even for me. She assured me it was legit and worked.

Even if I was not sure, wouldn’t it be worth the try? I was worried about the cost, I was worried about it not working, and I’d be back dealing with the cancer monster. But, at least it was something.

I knew that if I was to travel Australia and if I was gong to continue to live a healthy happy life I had to take a chance. I could not rely on doctors, they had already proven to be useless; I had to rely on myself and the power I believe that the Universe and the Earth holds to heal.

I picked up the phone.

Fiona answered and I immediately felt warmth, understanding and certainty from her.

“Yes. absolutely I can help you. It will take a lot of commitment from you, but we can do this.”

“I just want to feel normal again. I’ll do anything. Can I come tomorrow?”

I will share with you next week all about Naet and how for the first time in 18 months I am feeling almost normal again.