I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Decluttering, wall washing and life changing decisions will do that to you.

At first the thinking went like this:

You’re such an idiot. Why do you keep making wrong decisions? What is wrong with me? I don’t trust myself at all. I think I have it all figured out, I’ve followed my gut and felt good with my decisions and then months down the track it all goes pear shaped. Why do I continue to do this? Why don’t I learn? Will I always be this far off path? Will I continue to make bad decisions fro the rest of my life even though I think I’m getting it right? Am I just someone who is doomed to do everything wrong? Am I cursed? Man what did I do in a previous life? Karma is a bitch.

Behind all this chatter was a deeper reflection churning about until it found the space to spit out the truth.

“Why do you think everything that is happening right now is necessarily bad? Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it’s not the perfect solution. Maybe you did make the right decision, a decision that had to be made in order for you to learn to bring you to this place right now.

How do you know the Universe is not at the moment creating your ultimate path for you? When are you just going to trust and release all your expectations.”

Stop trying to control and think that life is about punishment. You are not being punished, nor have you ever been.

Much of the teachings about creating the life you want over the past few years have been about positive thoughts and you create your own life based upon these.  But I think this is too simple and not often correct. It does have an impact upon your perceptions and emotions, but I think there is always a higher power at work in your life.

You may not understand it, and it may not matter how positive you think and how kind you act. This all knowing power is always driving you down the right path, whether you understand it or not. So if it thinks you need to learn a few lessons, sometimes the hard way, then sure enough you are going to be hit with them whether you are meditating on a mountain top and giving alms to monks every day, or not.

It’s about releasing your expectations and trusting.  I decided it was time for me to do this. I stopped worrying, I stopped whining, I stopped blaming, and just jumped back into the tube to float on down the river.

The ride has been cool since. I’ve been able to gaze around me in wander at the lovely twists and turns that arrive without me knowing or trying to control. And with each new unexpected turn, I see the magic more at work.

Aha. So that’s why I made what seemed to be the dumb decision. Oh that’s why this happened at this time. It’s all been moving me forward to what I want. The right people are arriving–the ones Craig and I described in a conversation as to what we really wanted and needed.

Well hello there- thank you magical Universe, you do have it all covered.

There’s a lot that doesn’t make sense to me right now, but I trust all will become clearer soon enough and its all working towards making me and my life better.

I am not being punished. I am not cursed or doomed and its time I stopped believing that and just accept that I’m worthy enough and the Universe always has my back.