Lessons Learned From a Blog Post That Goes Wrong
Bloggers put themselves on the line daily, most of the time without even realizing they are doing it.
They are opening up their lives, their minds and hearts and spilling forth their opinions and thoughts on issues that they find relevant. Sometimes this can be done as a vent or other times with the intention to truly make a difference.
No matter the intention, there will come a time when a blog post goes wrong. It hasn’t come out the way you meant it and no matter what you do or say you cannot rectify that and people will crucify you.
ARRRGHH
This happened to me this week with a post I wrote about respecting cultures on y travel blog. It hurt me quite a lot. I’ve only been blogging for just over a year, I am still getting used to putting myself in the firing line. I have done really well so far to really just inspire people rather than piss them off, and that is and always has been my intention. I want to be a source of good.
Unfortunately it was completely taken the wrong way by many readers and turned into a political argument which was so far removed from what I wanted it to be. I despise politics.
I take complete responsibility for it. I didn’t think carefully enough about the language and tone I used. Much of this was born from frustration, but my message that I wanted to get across was purely about respecting others.
I am open to discussion, I am open even to criticism, which I can definitely take and use to improve, which is the purpose of it. But, what I found most difficult was that my intention and meaning was totally misconstrued and people took me as saying something that is really not in alignment with my beliefs and who I am. I was perceived as being someone I am not and someone I work hard not to be.
This really hurt. No matter what I said, I could not make certain people understand what I was trying to say.
As with everything in life you have to put it down as a lesson. If it is not a lesson, it becomes a worthless mistake. This was just an opportunity for me to grow as a blogger, and to become better.
I just hope that my reputation wasn’t blown too much, as I really do care about that. My brand relies on my reputation as does my code of ethics and how I want to become a responsible member of society who does their bit to improve it rather than help it slide into this chaos it seems to be in right now.
Lessons I learned this week from my blog post that went wrong.
- People are waiting in the wings to crucify you. If you want to be a blogger, you have to understand there are people who are going to want to tear you down and they will pop out as soon as they get the chance. A lot of comments I received on this post were from people who I have never heard from before, which also could just be a coincidence.
- People are waiting in the wings to support you. On the other side, people who never comment on my blogs, popped out just to give me a one sentence line of support, emails, facebook chats and mentions. Thank you.
- People who usually support you become silent. I completely understand this; some people want to stay out of conflict. Some of those people may not have even read my post yet. And some might not want to say anything because they don’t want to openly criticize me, which is all fair enough.
- You have loyal readers who will support you even if their opinions differ; they let you know, but still in an encouraging and supportive way. Thank you
- Readers bring to the table different perspectives, perceptions and agendas. They are going to read your words and interpret your meaning based on this. A lot of people like to complicate things and to make it about politics. Their brains are wired for political “discussions” Me- not a chance. I’m all for the KISS principle. It doesn’t matter what you say though, they are going to be intent on their way of perceiving.
- Reply to the comments, stand by what you are saying. Try to express your meaning in a different way. Be firm but always be respectful and polite. Thank them for their opinion and giving your the opportunity to learn and think in a different way. Be the better person.
- Evaluate your words. Understand that they bring tone and meaning, some of which you never intend. Your intended meaning will always be behind your words, try to think of it from the angle of the reader who will bring their meanings and agendas. How might they perceive it as being?
- If you are not sure have others read it and give their opinion before you publish. And if you are still not sure then don’t publish. It might not be worth it to the message of your brand.
- Admit it when you are wrong. There is so much power in this. None of us a perfect, we all make mistakes. Admit the things you did that weren’t great and decide on how you can make it better next time. I think you’ll often find people will back off when you do this as well. At the end of the day people want to be right and how can they keep coming at you if you admit you made some mistakes? I don’t believe I was wrong in my message, but I could have perhaps said it in a different way.
- Don’t let it rent space in your head. Make a decision on what you can do next. Maybe you can close comments, delete the post or just not respond any more.
When another comment came through basically saying the same things that everyone else did and asking me more political questions, I realized that it didn’t matter how many times I tried to explain what I meant, I was still going to get these comments, because people have their own perceptions and agendas and they can’t see it from your point of view.
I went for a long walk and I cried. I felt exhausted, and I realized some important things. I was allowing this to rent unnecessary space in my head, which was not helping me in other areas of my life.
Being ready to give birth, I had to be focusing on my child, not this. So I had to put it down as a mistake and just leave it.
I decided that I would not respond to any more comments. There was nothing else I could say anyway. So I put an editor’s note in the post explaining this and why.
What is the lesson here for the bigger purpose and who you want to be?
I also realized that commenting on societal issues is probably not what I want to do anymore. I just don’t want to deal with people’s need to complicate and politicize things.
I believe that issues in society can be easily fixed by getting back to basics that we all understand. Emotions and behaviours–respect, love, tolerance, understanding, responsibility, compassion.
I felt a strange peace come over me as I realized that I had somehow been carrying a burden around with me for a long time, feeling as if I had to somehow change society, that I had all the answers and if I can just make others see how easy it would be then this world I love would be saved.
I’ve now lost that naive and utopian belief. Society is a mess and I am starting to think beyond repair. I am ready to do what I do best and that is run from it and travel the world, choosing instead to run to joy and peace which exists in that travel bubble of mine. That way I can love life and the world instead of despising it.
Society is far too complicated and it will never be fixed because people just want to argue and they just want to be right. So for now I’m just going to concentrate on being the best I can be and help others do the same.
Be the change I wish to see
I feel like this incident kind of got my focus back and put me on the right track again.
Feel free to put a link to that post so we can all learn from it too.
Have you had a blog post go wrong before? What did you learn from it?
Comments
Jodie Benveniste @ Parent Wellbeing
Caroline – I love this post. Thank you for sharing! I had a bit of a similar experience in that I wrote about a relatively controversial topic in parenting (there are so many I know!), and I realised that that’s not what my blog is about. It was a good lesson for me too!
Caz
Thanks Jodie.! It is all a lesson and if you can take positive things from it then it is worthwhile. I don’t really like being controversial either. I’m a Libran so that just doesn’t go with my astral makeup!!
Lindsay
Hey Caz,
I really hope you don’t think I was waiting in the wings to attack. I really respect and look up to you as a blogger (I love both of your blogs!) and I am sorry that this past post has caused you so much stress and pain. I do think that discussions, and even disagreeing with others can be very healthy when done respectfully (maybe that is the American in me), but I also know it can be useless and cause unnecessary divisions. I think you handled this well, and you still have my utmost respect. Now just relax and focus on this new baby that we all can’t wait to (virtually) meet!! =) I can’t to read about your next future travel adventures. I know exactly how you feel about not being completely happy when that travel factor is missing in your life!
-Lindsay
Caz
No Lindsay, You have been involved in our community for awhile. There were people I’d never seen before, and they could have just stumbled upon the post. I just wanted to put that in there so other bloggers are aware that this can be a very real thing.
It’s completely my fault that the post has caused me stress and if I were not an emotional heavily pregnant woman right now it probably would not have upset me as much. I was pretty mad at myself for not choosing my words more carefully and being a little misaligned with who I am, and going down that political path (although unintentional). I’m happy for discussions and disagreements but this one just wasn’t sitting well with me and I felt that I couldn’t get people to understand what I was really trying to say.
yesterday I just realized that I couldn’t deal with it any more as I thought I was not going to survive childbirth when I was fit and emotionally ready, If I didn’t clear my head then I wouldn’t have a chance with this one!!!
Thanks so much for your comment, it has really helped.
Dorothy
Hi Caz, I haven’t read that post, but I will. I just wanted to say that I was thinking about that very thing the other day. About wanting to change the world, to change society. And I also realised that I can’t! All I can really control is my own behaviour, hoping that modelling what I consider appropriate, compassionate and respectful behaviour will influence others. That is all any of us can do. For us bloggers, perhaps that circle of influence is greater than for others and expressing opinions can really be tricky.
I have so far not written any “opinion” posts, rather I have restricted myself to making the odd comment on FB or Twitter and even then the vitriol that comes across from some people really, really surprises me.
Still, they are entitle to their opinion and I am to my mine.
Hang in there….
Caz
Spot on Dorothy, all you can do is control your own behaviour. I’ve been really struggling with it lately, especially teaching in the schools. I see so many problems which really depresses me about society. So I go into my fix it mode, which is insane, because I can’t fix it and it just brings unnecessary stress to me.
The opinion posts can be really dangerous and risky, but sometimes worth doing. If it can help someone then it is worth it. I think we can all disagree respectfully and still support one another.
Thanks for your comment!
Tahlia @ the parenting files
Hi Caz
Your honesty is truly inspiring. I think we have all experienced something that did not go the way we hoped and planned. When I have presented a workshop in the past I have not got the feedback I was hoping for. It is all about lessons and how you turn your mistakes and negative moments into something positive. I guess we have to expect that we cant please everyone but know that if we empower at least one person to make a difference then we are doing pretty good.
Tahlia x
Caz
Thanks Tahlia! I think I am learning that I can’t please everyone and to stop trying. It is difficult dealing with things when they go pear shaped. I think maybe sometimes I expect too much from myself and if I drop the ball then I beat myself up about it too much. Writing this post has helped me to see that it is okay and I can take some positive things from it.
Penny
Oh Caz, I’m sorry you had to go through this hun. I’ve never gone through a blog post that ended up being misinterpreted but I’ve had plenty of times, in other situations, when my written words have been taken the wrong way. It makes you feel sick inside. I can’t imagine the stress you were under. Sending you a long distance, gentle (don’t want you to pop)squeeze.
This post has fantatic advice!
Caz
I had an Irish friend who once told me to be very careful what you write down because once its there you can’t take it back!! I should have been more careful with my words. As I always say to Kalyra “Choose your words!!”
Actually I don’t mind if you pop me because then we might have our baby here! 🙂 thanks so much Penny for your comment.
jim
I understood exactly where you were posting from Caz and you have my total support.
The problem is that with controversial issues, some people cannot distinguish between a person wanting to promote discussion of the issue, and between pushing an opinion of an issue.
Keep it up.
We travelbloggers should be discussing issues.
Why do we travel if not to learn?
Caz
You are so wonderful Jim. Thank you so much. I got so tired of it in the end, especially when I thought I was being really clear. That’s when I realized that it didn’t really matter how clear I was being some people were still going to stick to their perceptions and agendas and continue to push that. I had to jump off the merry go round!
It’s definitely taught me to think more about being better with my words to try and do a better job of explaining myself.
Blogging has its challenges but meeting amazing people like yourself makes up for it.
bonglib
Hi Caz.
Your candidness and deep down honesty are what drew me to your blog. And I just discovered it (not even a week has passed). Your entries (ive read only a few) show these traits and they really make for a light and sunny reading. This I like very much because I gravitate toward lightness of being and away from people and material that tend to complicate my life with their negativity.
I haven’t read the entry that caused you so much pain and I don’t plan to but I know you’ve moved on leaving that baggage where it belongs.
Keep travelling and keep writing.
Best regards from a reader in the Philippines.
Caz
Thank you so much, this was so lovely to read. I find that complication of life with negativity to be so prevalent. It’s really draining and I try to stay away from that. I want to focus on the sunshine, life is far too short not too. I think that’s why controversial posts won’t often be on my posting schedule any more.
Mrs Woog
Hi Caz,
That all sounds rather sucky mate! I get it quite a bit but because I blog everyday, they tend to fade from my mind very quickly.
Xxxx
Caz
Sucky indeed!! It’s all part of the whole experience I guess. You just have to learn how to put it behind you. I don’t think I could ever be a politician!!
Stacey
Caz, I LOVE THS! There is nothing more to add x
Caz
Thank you so much Stacey!
Jenna
I was just thinking about posting something similar a few days ago after getting a barrage of negative comments on this post: http://wp.me/p1E0Yt-qq
I tried to put myself in the guy’s shoes to understand why he was upset and defensive. I think that I should have written it more carefully. I wrote that post in a time when I was a bit unhappy and frustrated with my situation (stuck in a small town in Brazil for 5 weeks dealing with a high risk pregnancy and then being put on bedrest).
I read your post. Topics like that one always ignite heated comments on both sides. I think you are doing the right thing– remember that there will always be people who will disagree with you, and now just move on.
Caz
He did get upset didn’t he? Very defensive. I don’t think there was anything wrong with your post at all. It doesn’t matter where you travel there will be things you won’t like and won’t miss when you are gone. You can say the same things about your own country. It’s just like you have different flavours of ice cream you like. And you were quite positive in talking about the things you didn’t like whilst highlighting your other post as well of things you did like.
I actually had a little chuckle at how he kept coming back with a new point each time. I think if you can laugh at some negative comments it makes you feel so much better.
Thanks for your comment Jenna! I appreciate it
Jenna
Thanks for being supportive about my post. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal because I was pretty clear that other posts I had written were positive and that I am fond of Brazil. But I tried to understand why he was so defensive, and after a while, I felt kind of guilty about writing something that made someone feel that way. I also chuckled about him coming back– every time I opened my site that day, there was a new comment from him! And I actually deleted the last one because it was really long and full of misunderstandings.
Anyway, I hope you’re feeling better about your post and feeling well as your baby is coming any day! 🙂
Christine
Have totally felt this feeling–recently went through it on Twitter with a few big names in travel writing who were just railing on people who did a certain type of advertising. It’s hard not to feel like you’re being personally attacked sometimes. Sometimes criticism has been well-deserved, and I feel like I’ve learned a new perspective or a totally different although valid view. Other times, it can be a bit harsh! I think I’m always pleasantly surprised when people comment on the other commenters–sometimes it’s come from my parents or a friend, someone who I wouldn’t expect to read the comments–and they offer a bit of support or say that someone was really harsh! Can be rough, but I suppose that’s part of blogging–being brave enough to put yourself out there. I try to remember that it’s OK that someone disagrees with me or is even rude about–those just aren’t the people that I would want to go out and have a drink with 🙂
Caz
There is so much of that blogger advertising stuff going on. Drives me crazy!! People have their own business plans, leave them to it.
The criticism is all part of the blogging and I think if you can use it in a positive way then it is very worthwhile. I was more upset with the fact that I probably did come off as harsh and intolerant which I really didn’t want to do and then trying to explain that was just horrible. Ahhh all we can do is learn and then do better next time.
I so appreciate your support Christine. Can’t wait to we can meet up again for a drink!
Christine
Oh, and I totally agree with your intentions on that Y Travel Blog post–so you’re not alone! And thought you were super brave for putting it out there!
Lina@MothersLoveLetters
Hi Caz
You are incredibly generous for sharing your lessons with us. Thank you so much. I am very grateful. Please know that by sharing, you have helped me with my blogging.
Seems like this experience has helped you to let go tremendously – something you definitely need to do, as you prepare for your birth.
I am happy for you that you have the compassion, self-awareness and courage, to take the lessons away from your life journey. You are one awesome, super special, lady.
Caz
Thank you Lina and I really appreciate your comments. I know that you come from an immigrant background and I was hoping you never read that article as I so did not want to offend you. Letting go is quite a painful yet rewarding thing to do. I feel quite cleansed. Thanks so much!
Nancy from Family on Bikes
Stop beating yourself up – but I know that’s easier said than done.
Although I haven’t had a specific blog post misinterpreted, I’ve certainly had people totally misinterpret EVERYTHING I wrote! We had people criticizing us for biking with kids and accusing us of abusing our children. It was really, really nasty. (http://familyonbikes.org/blog/2010/05/are-we-self-absorbed-parents/)
In the end, I came to the conclusion that no matter what I did/did not write, those who couldn’t begin to fathom traveling on bikes themselves would assume the only way our children would do so was if we forced them. So they assumed we forced our kids onto their bikes day after day. It really had nothing to do with what we did or did not do at all.
I remember spending many sleepless nights trying to figure out what I could say to help those people understand where we were coming from and what our lives were truly like – and came to the conclusion there was simply no way. Their minds were made up and they weren’t going to change them. I had to accept the fact that we would disagree on that.
I totally understand where you were coming from in that post and see your intentions clearly. Those that don’t see it, can’t see it. Let it go and move on.
Nancy
Caz
That was a horrible article that man wrote. Some people have a nerve. I love your response to him. Actually it gave me chills. You are doing something so amazing for your children, people judge only through their own limited vision. So sad.
I think you are right you have to accept that people are just going to think differently and be set in their ways, and this if fine. Its’ not up to me to change that or convince. It’s quite liberating to know you don’t hold that onus anymore and you are free to just worry about yourself and your own life.
Jeanie
Hey! I’ve been a lurker for a bit, thought I’d pop in now. 🙂
It’s incredibly easy to forget that there are PEOPLE behind the screen. That our words touch and change lives…whether we’re the poster or the commenter.
I’ve written about respect/love/disconnected culture before…luckily for me, even my most controversial posts have been either gladly supported or ignored.
I can’t even imagine the anguish you went through…I’m glad that you took the time to reiterate the value of respect for a wider audience…and for each individual person.
Much love and empathy from one woman/human to another. 🙂
Caz
Hey lurker!! Thanks for popping up with your supportive words, I really appreciate it a lot. It’s helped me feel much better about the whole thing. It is easy to forget there are people actually reading your words. It’s a great way to think about it more so you fully understand what your words can do.
Torre – Fearful Adventurer
I can see how this went askew and I feel for you! I know you weren’t trying to be controversial—you were lobbying for peace and that’s a wonderful thing. You were encouraging people to take responsibility for their own lives and happiness, and that’s a good thing too. It just happened to be a very sensitive subject, and some took it the wrong way.
That said, remember that art is about creating an impact: to entertain, to shock, to get people thinking, to get people talking, to offend even. As long as your creating a stir, that means you’re hitting emotions and that’s a hellofalot better than being unmemorable. The worst possible crime for a blogger (or any content creator) is being boring.
Caz
That is a great way of looking at it Torre, thank you! I certainly wasn’t unmemorable!! I’m happy now that I’ve been able to turn it around somewhat, I was feeling really bad about the way I came across to many people, as its not really who I am. slightly mortified!! I appreciate your comment both here and on the blog post that went wrong 🙂
Caz Filmer
Thank you for such an interesting post. As blogger we do really put ourselves on the line. Appreciate your honesty. Caz
Christy @morethanmommy
This is so very true. We put ourselves out there an hope for the best. Sometimes people agree, sometimes people don’t. I do have to say, though, that if you write a post about ethnicity, race, citizenship, etc., even if you are just using those as examples to make a point, you’re inviting debate. And it is political, even if you personally don’t look at it that way. Ignoring politics don’t make them stop existing. I started blogging as an extension of my love for journaling, but find that I do a lot of censoring now that family and friends are reading. At some point, you have to make a choice between getting your point across and avoiding conflict.
Beth
Caroline,
I completely understand this post and know how your words can be misconstrued. Happened to me earlier this year at work and I obsessed over it for days, allowing it to completely ruin my weekend. I have learned to move on and learn a lesson…much like you have. Just know that I love you and totally support you!!!! 🙂
Caz
Beth!! You are so the best. Thanks so much for always supporting me and being such a great friend. Sure do miss you!! 🙂 I hope no one gave you pain at work cause I’ma gonna come get em!!
Kelly Brough
Great post, Caz. Thanks for sharing such an honest account of your experience. It is harder than it seems to put yourself out there with each post. Keep it up.
Caz
Thanks Kelly! It certainly makes you stronger
Maxabella
Oh, loads of them! I’ve learned that the expression ‘live and let live’ is the only way to approach these things. I don’t want to censor myself just because I fear that others will think differently to me. Live and let live. x
Toni
Caz, I read your post only this morning but I completely got where you were coming from. Unfortunately, as you say, people are often waiting in the wings to have a go. As a blogger you consistently put yourself out there and when your honesty and point come across it can work wonders but, as you found it, when it goes wrong (through no fault of your own) it becomes much harder to deal with.
Keep doing what you’re doing; there are enough of us (supporters) who will always keep coming back. I recently had a total character assassination left for me and whilst it initially upset me, I quickly realised that people like that are always out there but the best way to get back at them is to continue being you =)
Caz
Thanks Toni!
I can understand where some of the commenters were coming from , which was what upset me the most- I wasn’t clear enough in what I was trying to say and then I couldn’t fix it.
It’s that horrible Libran trait of mine in trying to keep the balance and harmony. Screws me. I was actually quite lucky as the commenters weren’t that bad. I’ve seen way worse in other places.
I saw that character attack on you which was totally uncalled for. That was truly someone waiting in the wings to have a go.
kirri
Caz. I’ve read both your posts. I actually felt quite stressed after reading all the comments on your travel blog…because I can relate to how awful it must have felt to have your intentions misconstrued and turned into a political discussion with an ‘us against them’ mentality. I sometimes berate myself for not being more ‘political’ in that while I do think it is important to keep up with current events and varying perspectives regarding some of the bigger issues; I tend to keep my head in the sand, as a conscious choice because so much media coverage is inherently negative and it affects my head space.
I haven’t had one of ‘those’ posts yet but Im sure its going to happen one of these days and I hope that I manage to handle myself as eloquently as you did.
One suggestion though….don’t give up completely on the idea of Utopian society yet…otherwise I may just get lonely standing out here on the edge of my rainbow 🙂
Caz
Ha Ha. I think if i continue travelling then i believe that a Utopian society is possible. It’s just when i return to society and the “politics” of it all that I can’t see it as being a reality. I don’t believe that politics really solves a lot of problems. It has its place sure, but for teaching us to be better human beings? i doubt it. We all have an inherent ability to do that. most of the time politics gets in the way of us getting back to those basics.
thanks so much for your support. i’m still getting comments on there from people who want to continue the political argument. oh Well. All my own fault!
Lisa Wood
Not a blog post go wrong as such – but an email that was taken in the wrong way. Its a bit hard to write one thing, and it comes out reading something different.
I was trying to say what i could and couldnt commit to in the next few weeks, but my “tone of voice” in my writing style didnt say it like the way I wanted it to. I think I got a few people upset and that was not my intention. I have let it be…..I was not game enough to go back and try and fix it! Anyway my fixing might have buried me deeper 🙂
Sometimes life happens for a reason. Look on the bright side – at least you got your blog post out there and people are taking the time to read it!!
Kinda like all publicity is good publicity in the end – as everyone had to add their two cents worth!
Cheers
Lisa
Caz
Any publicity is good right? 🙂 I remember an Irish friend of mine warning me to always be careful what you put down in writing as you can never take it back. Tricky advise for a blogger to follow but one to definitely be aware of.
Jeff Goins
Been there before…