Closing Down the Books of Pain
I’m currently taking a break from my decluttering.
I had to otherwise I would have been sitting in a pool of tears. This New Year has brought much inspiration to me. From the help of a couple of blogs I stumbled upon, I realized that there was a part of my life I had shut down for awhile.
Shut it down and allowed problems, mine and others, and darkness to surround me.
Not the lightness that I usually wrap myself in. There was a period of my life where I was spending hours finding the lightness but tragedy still found me. I think I blamed it on the lightness and so kicked it away.
I’ve missed it. A lot.
So I am bringing it back. And with that has come new ideas and beginnings.
Today I am going through one of my cupboards. A cupboard full of pain.
Goodbye pain
Old journals and writings of tragedy and self discovery.
Some of them I can barely look at without feeling a sharp stabbing pain in my chest and a welling of my eyes.
I opened one a giant sob burst out from my chest into my lungs when I rememberd all I lost- I lost through crazy decisions.
There is no point reading it. There is no point revisiting my pain. I have been there enough.
All I want to do now is close down these books of pain.
I’ve thrown them into the bin without a second glance just wondering why on Earth I held onto them for so long.
We do that, us humans. We hold onto our pain because we believe it defines who we are and not having it is scarier than having it.
I say no more. I’m ready to release it and move into the lightness again.
What pain do you need to close the book on?
Comments
Kelly Exeter
Wow – was it hard to do that?! I reckon if I had such a thing, I wouldn’t be able to throw it out. Not sure why – because as you say, why hold on to them?!!
Caz
It was actually quite easy Kelly. I had been holding onto them for so long thinking I needed them for some silly reason. When I looked in them and saw that what was in it was actually a part of my life I wanted to be gone, I realized that I had to throw them out. Then it felt so easy to do and liberating. I just want to hold onto those happy memories, the bad ones serve no purpose anymore. Chuck it out Kelly!! you can do it
Dad Blog Tork
Hmm what pain do I need to close the book on.. gosh, i guess it would be the doctors finally sayin my boy is well enough to chuck those danged infernal oxygen tanks out my front door 🙂
Caz
I hope they say that for you soon!
Laney Galligan
I remember sitting on the shores of a lake and throwing in a pendant an ex had given me. I threw it with all my might and it was very liberating!
Caz
There is nothing like throwing away the things from the exes!!
Dex Diva
Brilliant post Caz. I have thise self discovery books too and they always bring pain back. Old diaries and journeys….I will follow suit and bin them xx
Caz
Bin bin bin